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Six Degrees of Separation
Definition: Six degrees of separation is the theory that anyone on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet in six steps or fewer.
How cool is that whole theory? Recently, while talking with my coworker she asked me how I came to the decision to donate my son’s organs and if I ever heard from any of the recipients. Out of the 4 recipients, we received a heartfelt letter from one. I told her at the time, I was not ready to meet any of the recipients, however, I was touched by his letter and I carry it with me. She thought it would be nice if the connection was made, but understood my feelings. She then mentioned that a good friend of hers had received a kidney and since his transplant has done quite well and while he has contacted his donor’s family, he had not heard back and perhaps they felt the same as I. I then proceeded to share the letter we received and as I was handing it to her, we both thought it would be too much of a coincidence if the letter came from her friend. I have shared this letter with many people and there has never been a connection….what are the chances of that happening? Only the recipient’s first name is visible on the letter, as Life Connection did a good job of scratching out his last name. As soon as she opened the letter, saw his first name, read the contents, she was 100% positive it was her friend that had received my son’s kidney. By this time, we are both hugging and crying, I being happy for her friend and she being grateful for us. She encouraged me to make the contact before we continue with our celebration. Knowing the recipient was a friend of a friend, became more personal to me. So, after speaking with my family, I went through the channels to meet the recipient of my son’s right kidney. A meeting was set up a few weeks ago at a local restaurant.
Meeting a recipient is bittersweet, as I know, I’m only meeting him because my son is not here. Our son’s recipient was very acknowledging of this and wanted to know about his donor. The most important thing, he’s been enjoying excellent health and his dialysis days are behind him. He also expressed how well he was treated at UTMC during his operation. I had no idea his operation was performed here and by the same surgeon who performed my dad’s operation. Another connection! He tells me he comes to UTMC once a month for his labs, chances are we have crossed path. Which makes me wonder, if I’ve crossed paths with others? I’ve always made it a point to smile/nod at people. So now, I give an extra nod to the gentlemen in their 60′s as I know now, that one of them received my son’s left kidney, and he had 11 eleven children. An extra nod goes out to all the women in their 40′s, one of them received his pancreas. I think about the young woman with the 3 kids, who was ahead of me in line at the cafeteria a few months back, who got 1 cheeseburger to split amongst her children. With her permission I purchased 2 more cheeseburgers/fries, now I wonder, was she the one who received his lungs as she suffered with cystic fibrosis and did she finally get married? It was good that I responded to his letter. It was also good to know that at least two of the operations were performed here at UTMC. I’m proud to be a part of his life and UTMC’s family.
Next month will mark the second anniversary of my son’s death and the birth of my sixth grandchild. Like many of you, I still feel blessed. I bet there are a lot of “Six Degrees of Separation” stories lurking amongst the walls here at UTMC. Hopefully, they all have a good ending like mine.
My coworker, Sam and myself with the letter that brought this all together
My family and Pete (3rd from left)
My son, Donovon Andre, high school graduation, June 7, 2000
Andrea Jacobs is the Administrative Secretary II/Marketing Coordinator for the Heart and Vascular Center at The University of Toledo Medical Center, a member of both the UTMC Marketing Group and an external marketing group, Team Leader for the Heart Walk and secretary for the Patient and Customer Engagement Service Excellence Team. She is proud to say that she was born and raised in Toledo. The biggest kept secret are the “chicken wings” at City Hall, tell Abe she sent you. Andrea’s career with UTMC began in 1988. Through the years she has worked in various departments and along with the many friends she has gained, she has gained a wealth of experience and the bottomless energy to learn more. She feels privilege to have been a part of the many changes at UTMC and excited about its future. Stay tuned for future blogs from her regarding “matters of the heart”. When she is not busy at work, you can find her out and about town with 1 or maybe all 6 of her grandkids in tow.
Email this author | All posts by Andrea Jacobs
May 9th, 2012at 1:58 pm
While most of us spend most of our time focusing on our own little worlds, we certainly often have an impact on others, good or bad, without even knowing it. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to have lost your son, but to take the step you did brought life to others. I’m glad you also took the step to meet one of the organ recipients so that you could experience the positive – -indeed, lifechanging – - impact on his life. I applaud you for your attitude of the meaningful nod/smile to people you encounter….another way you are having a positive impact on other people’s lives. Keep it up, and thank you for sharing your story!!
May 9th, 2012at 4:58 pm
Thank you Andrea for sharing your heartfelt message of love and compassion.How many lives have been touched by the difficult decision you made. His life continues to live on through some very lucky recipients.
May 10th, 2012at 8:42 am
This was an uplifting message that I just happen to see today when scoping UT Wesbite. Thanks for sharing this with us and giving us all the more reasons to feel blessed for what GOD provides. I am feeling most gratful for my son and daughter, family and friends after reading your message today.
May 10th, 2012at 10:54 am
Andrea,
Thank you for sharing this belief. I met this man last week at a group meeting with friends. He asked, “would you like to see a picture of my family?” … and showed me the identical picture, and told me about the meeting your family 2 weeks before… May you all be blessed… with Love, Jackie
May 10th, 2012at 11:02 am
Jackie – Now, that is way toooo cool!
May 11th, 2012at 5:13 am
Andrea: Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. My 38 year old brother died 18 years ago from a car accident. He was in a coma for 5 weeks before he died. Just a couple days before his passing he was moved from the hospital to a local nursing home. Though we were at his bedside when he passed on, we were unable to arrange for the donation of any organs at the time of his death. The people at the nursing home had no idea how to arrange for this and there was no doctor in the building at the time. I was quite upset that we could not even arrange something like a cornea donation, but they had no idea how to proceed with this. My only guess is that since the patients at the nursing home are primarily elderly, maybe they don’t normally take organ donation from this population, thus have no experience with it. I still regret that Joe’s organs couldn’t be used to help others, as I know he would have wanted that. It is a blessing that your son could help so many people. May God continue to bless you and your family and all your son’s donation recipients.
May 14th, 2012at 7:00 pm
What a very endearing story – thanks for sharing Andrea – what a blessing.
May 15th, 2012at 9:48 am
Andrea: My brother-in-law received a kidney in November 2011 from a young woman who died in a car accident in Dayton Ohio. I cannot tell you how grateful my sister is that her husband will be here to finish raising his 8 year old daughter and 10 year old son (who also has the same kidney disease). My sister lost our mother when she was 12 so the thought of losing another person so young was especially difficult. Parents, such as yourself, who put aside their own feelings of grief and devastation to aid other individuals is phenomental. Know that every day your son is probably the first person each of these recipients think of with a prayer thanksgiving for your selfless act and for another day of life. God Bless You.
May 18th, 2012at 8:04 am
Thank you Andrea for sharing your beautiful story. I am a kidney transplant coordinator here at UTMC. I’m happy to hear the other side of the story from the donor’s family perspective. Because I do encourage my patients to write to the donor family to let them know how grateful they are. I ask them to please give the donor family time to grieve before they write. Even though the recipient is so very happy because they got the “gift of life”, they need to understand that there is a family out there grieving over the loss of a love one and wondering how they are going to live without them. Most of my patients ask with tears “What do I write and how do I say thank you for saving me life?” I tell them to write from their heart, you can never go wrong writing from your heart. I tell them to take their time to write, that there is no rush. The important thing is that they do write. But I never do push them to write. I have never known any recipient to refuse to write. Some will ask me “I wrote to my donor family but haven’t heard anything back”. I tell them to give the donor family time and that it may be too painful for them to ever respond to your letter. But that is ok because you sent out the first correspondence and your donor family will know how thank full you are. I ask them to think that if the table were turned what would they do? I will tell you that almost all my patient’s (I have been doing this job for 9 years) write something. Some will send a “thank you” card and some will compose a letter. After reading these messages with a heavy heart I send these cards/letters to Life Connections of Ohio. We are very careful not to release any information about the donor family or the recipient. After a year the donor family and recipient may choose to communicate after signing releases. You are right, we have often said the same thing when we receive “that call” it is so bittersweet because while we are saving a life, today someone out there has lost theirs. And for that I say a little prayer for the donor families. I have passed many employees here at UTMC and have often wondered if they were part of the donor family or even if they know someone who has donated. I am sure we have crossed paths since I have worked here for 15 years. I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of such a special process. We cannot control when someone passes but we can help someone else live. So I guess I am part of your “Six Degrees of Separation” thank you again Andrea for sharing your beautiful story
May 27th, 2012at 4:52 pm
How hard that must have been… what a beautiful, handsome young man he was ! enjoy the memories forever ! God bless you and your family.